How a Simple Outing Turns Me Into a Giant, Naked, Nipple-Covered Boob

My parents will likely find this entire post absolutely hilarious, and the word “PAYBACK!” will likely cross their minds, but Oh. My. God. Rowan never stops talking!

It’s just seriously amazing how he can literally talk for a good 30-40 minutes straight, almost non-stop, inserting a ton of , “Oh, Mommy…” and “Just to let you know…”, and ending EVERY statement with, “Right, Mommy?” in which I’m expected to reply.

This week’s conversation started out simple enough… we have two indoor playgrounds we frequent. Imagination Station is geared towards smaller kids, and in fact, 6 years old is the upper age limit. PlayALatte is much more “bigger kid” friendly, so we try to alternate between the two so both kids get to have time to really explore in a place suited more for them. Rowan said he prefers PlayALatte… and then the talking started…

Please remember, I’m trapped in the car, driving, unable to distract him or escape this entire time.

Just for clarity’s sake, I’m going to color Rowan’s statements blue.

“Imagination Station bugs me.”

“Oh yeah, why?”

“I don’t like being surrounded by little kids. They’re all crazy.”

“Yeah, they are.”

“Just like my baby sister. I wouldn’t want to be surrounded by 10 Auroras.”

“Neither would I.”

“That would be just crazy!

“Definitely. One gets in enough trouble!”

“I wouldn’t want to be surrounded by 100 Auroras either! WAY too many! WAAAAY TOOOOO MANY!”

“Yes, definitely too many. Quiet down please, we’re all right here.”

“73 would be really bad too.”

“Yes, it would.”

“Aurora, any more than one of you would be way, way, way too many! Too many babies!”

(Aurora says, “Babies!”)

“Definitely too many. I’m glad I only have one of each of you.”

“What if you had 192 Auroras? You couldn’t nurse them!”

“You know animals that have litters have lots of nipples, right? Like, six or eight on a kitty?”

“To nurse 104 Auroras, you’d have to have 104 nipples!”

“Well, unless they didn’t all nurse at once, but yeah, I’d have to have a lot.”

“You’d be one giant boob! And you’ve have to be naked!”

“Uh huh.”

“Hahaha! You’d be a giant nipple-covered naked boob!”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“They don’t make nursing covers for people who are giant boobs.”

“If people were, do you think they’d hide them, or it would be normal to be naked?”

“What if you fell and got squished? Would you squirt milk everywhere? In your eye! Haha!”

“You’re weird.”

“Giant boob, hahah.”

“Hey look, I like this song, I’m going to listen to it.”  I turn up the radio.

“You’d have to have a really big bed. And lots of bras.”

“I thought you said I’d be naked?”

“Oh yeah, I did. Hahah! Giant naked nipple-covered boob!”

“Okay, Rowan, I get it.”

“Are we there yet?”

“YES, thank god.”

 

Sigh.

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4 thoughts on “How a Simple Outing Turns Me Into a Giant, Naked, Nipple-Covered Boob

  1. Staci says:

    Bahahahahaha!! HE is HILARIOUS. This reminds me though, lets never get Evelyn and Rowan together in a car, mmkay? That would be scary.

  2. Mama Mo says:

    Hahahahaha! Thanks for a much needed smile today 🙂 My twin boys are 18 months, and developing language at a scary-fast rate. I can only imagine conversations like this when they’re a wee bit older!

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