So, this is odd. Here, we fill out a form to look into Sensory Processing Disorder, and come out not only without a consensus there, but now not even speech therapy. I feel almost like a hypochondriac, or I guess it would be more of what, Munchhausen by Proxy here?
I mean, it’s good. I’m glad he’s met all the goals in speech that they set when they redid his plan last year, but at the same time, I don’t think he’s ready to be done. He’s almost 8 and still can’t pronounce his name, struggles to speak in clear sentences and maintain a train of thought so that sentence can be completed. I’ve heard his friends talk — this isn’t normal for his age. So while I’m glad they feel he’s not needing their services anymore, I feel like he still does, and so it’s hard for me to celebrate his “graduation” from speech when to me it feels more like he lost the help he desperately needed, rather than celebrating him no longer needing it.
I was almost excited when we learned about Sensory Processing Disorder. Not because I WANT something to be wrong with my son, of course, but because it explained so much: ADHD often gets diagnosed when the issue is SPD, it said. Inability to sense when clothing is askew, body is dirty, etc. the things said. Emotionally issues, struggling with speech and speech comprehension, struggles interacting appropriately with peers… it’s all listed there in one neat package. I thought… I guess I thought that if almost all his issues fell under one title, that then that meant it would be easier to address them all at once, and we’d at least have a good direction to follow.
But when putting my evaluation form next to the teacher’s, they said the only thing they see is disorganization and poor social skills. So, out of any therapy he goes, and I’m left feeling like rather than celebrating, I should instead be rushing him to a pediatrician to get another occupational therapist to evaluate him again. I get that his teachers see him during the day, but I can’t help but feel like their opinion, when they’ve known him for 3 months, shouldn’t weigh as heavily as mine, who has parented him for 7 years.
And I hear this coming out of my fingertips, and I feel like I’m crazy. I feel like the weird mom who WANTS something to be wrong with her kid, who is telling all the experts they’re wrong, who is somehow just a crappy parent and that’s the reason for the problems.
So I’ll make him his special celebratory treat and praise him for the work he’s put into speech, but I can’t help but think back to when he was 2 and we decided since he was “borderline” in need of help then, that we’d skip it since he seemed to be making good strides, only to be bit in the butt a few years later when it became obvious he really should have gone into therapy after all.
I’m supposed to be happy here, right? Why am I not?